My Eyes + My Mind = My Words

CREDITS

2005-10-18T22:37:00.000+08:00

This is my last entry for this blog, which is dedicated to EDU3234 Readings and Project Work for Teaching Literature In ESL Contexts. First and foremost, I would like to say thank you to my lecturer Dr. Edwin because has given me a chance to be a part of this course. Without this opportunity, I believe I will never know about certain things.
Without this course, I will never know about the existing of Ovid’s Metamorphosis. Since I know about it, I have gone through its website and having a dream to buy its book when once I saw it at the bookstore rack. I also eager to further my reading on ancient Greece culture and I have fascinated by it.
Without this course, I will never have an opportunity to sit and think about our local folktales, myths and legends. Perhaps, I have make comparison between ours and theirs. My finding, every single of them is unique.
Without this course, I never have a passion to read other people biography and autobiography. Well, I have a secret. I have changed my perception towards Madonna. Previously, I thought she is nothing and just born as an entertainer but now I realized, she is a strong personality, she is not an easy person to give up and she knows what she wants. The more important here, I have changed the way I read biography or autobiography. Previously, I read them just to know about their personal life but now I read them by looking deeply into their life.
Without this course, perhaps I will not appreciate my past when I feel writing diaries as dull thing because a part of diary is planning. I hate planning but by reading some diaries written by certain persons have made me be more critical person.
Without this course, I will forever agree with ideas arouse by certain local young authors who think writing letters in traditional way is no more popular. Most of the contemporary Malay novels which are written by young writers are always come out with this idea. Now, I have a different view. Writing letter is a piece of art and need skills.
Without this course, I will forever watch movies such as Naked Gun as just a comedy without knowing the movie as parody. I really learned something new.
Without this course, I will never have a time to sit back and think about what my parents have done to me. Through my position paper, I find it is not easy to be a parent. They always want to have the best for their children but somehow somewhere they turn wrong.
Without this course, I will not have an opportunity to read a lot about John Keats, one of my favorite poets. I will forever think his odes only as poems with flowery words but actually, there are other virtues deep inside them. My new finding, John Keats’ odes contain two virtues which stand side by side when we do analyzing on them. Without this course, I will never know what the meaning of satisfaction is; when I put a lot of efforts on my research paper and when I give my all to it. Now I know the meaning of challenges.
Without this course, this blog will not exist. And the most important, without this course I feel I will be an ordinary English teacher. Once again, thank you Dr. Edwin. Even, I have missed so many things and faced so many challenges; I believe all these are for my own sake. Every little thing that I do will come back to me. If I do good, then I will get good. Now, I will continue writing on my novel and I hope I can finish it by the end of this year. Besides that, I can have a time to sit and read novels one by one. To my friends who have given me the novels, sorry guys for not read them. I promise, I will read them after this and that is what I miss so much.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

2005-10-18T01:33:00.000+08:00

Finally, my research paper is done. ‘Connotation of Death in John Keats’ Odes’. I satisfied of it and I will send it to my supervisor tomorrow. Thanks to God for giving me ideas and strengths to finish it. Instead of my family, I feel incomplete without acknowledge some names here who have guide, help and support me on doing my research paper.
First and foremost, I would like to thank my poetry lecturer, Puan Juridah Md. Rashid. I acknowledge her name first because she is the person who is responsibility in introducing me to John Keats’ odes. I believe, without her I do not know the existing of poem like ode. Besides that, I have also met her for couple of times just to ask some advices and she is always welcome me with open arms. She has also given me the idea to have a look on John Keats’ religious background. She also the one who responsible for asking me to produce paintings based on ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ during my poetry class and then have put up for exhibition. This activity has given me an idea to imply it in one part of my research paper.
Second, I would like to thank to my supervisor Dr. Arshad Abd. Samad; for his kindness, understanding and guidance everytime we meet him. Without his guidance and advice, I believe I cannot make my research paper like that. He also has tried to overcome my problems in doing my research paper through the discussions. He also has made me more aware about my language because he very particulars about grammar and sentence structure. In the beginning, I really worry about my language but then he advised me to let my friend edit my work. Thank you Dr. Arshad for your understanding.
Last but not least, I would like to thank my friend, Molly because she is the person who helped me on editing my research paper. Thank you. I also want to thank my friend, Zurina for always has a free time to sit and discuss with me about my research paper. Perhaps, she reminds me something that maybe I miss reading. And thanks once again for everyone who have help me but I do not mentioned here.

MY ALL

2005-10-13T01:25:00.000+08:00

Thursday morning, as usual I have a meeting with my supervisor and perhaps this is the last consultation. Everything has done. Only need the final touch and a few addition on certain points. As usual, my supervisor monitoring our progression by asking questions on us one by one. Then, he highlighted the parts of research paper that we must elaborate more. About my research paper, he asked me to finish up my explanation on what the connotation of death that I find in “Ode on a Grecian Urn”. Another part that he still not satisfied is the implication for education part.
There are two reasons why I failed to pay attention on my argumentations towards “Ode on a Grecian Urn”. First, I am so busy with my micro teaching and presentation for other courses. So, I put my research paper aside for a moment. Second, I have no idea on how to relate the ode with my topic because I am so tired. Now I realize how difficult to have a good research paper. There is a time when I feel so tired and blur but I force myself to keep on typing in front of my laptop. Sometimes I give up when I do not know what I’m doing. Usually, I will stop and take a short nap or walking in my home compound or listening to the music. But, there is a miracle everytime I switch on my laptop and continue my work. I do not know, from where the strengths come from but I believe this must be my mother’s pray. She always pray for me because only she knows what I have been through and she doesn’t want me to go back to where I used to be.
About my implication for education part, I have been changed it for three times. First, I just mentioned about how John Keats’ odes can be implemented in our classroom by using Carter and Long literature models. For the second time, my supervisor asked me to focus only on one model and I chose personal growth model. Now, he asked me to explain the activities in detail and provide the examples. I was so speechless when my supervisor suggests me to attach my paintings that had displayed for ‘Minggu Bahasa’ exhibition. The paintings are based on “Ode on a Grecian Urn” and I did them during poetry class last semester. Since he has suggested me to come out with the activity by using the paintings, I feel unsatisfied if I cannot make it. So, I make change on my implication for education part.
I believe, it is quite difficult to make it possible but I feel satisfy if I can make it. As I mentioned earlier, I will give my all for this last research paper and I will feel sorry forever if I failed to do it as what I supposed to do it. So, for the first step….Lets ask my poetry lecturer to lend me the paintings.

GOTHIC IN JOHN KEATS' ODES?

2005-10-02T01:17:00.000+08:00

Emily Dickinson is one of my favorite poets. I admire the way she presented her ideas, thoughts and feelings by using death and tomb as metaphor, symbol and imagery. Instead of death, who can ever forget the ‘frog’ she used in her poem, ‘I’m Nobody, Who Are You-’. Frog… What an ugly creature. Her choices of words, perhaps will arouse chilling in certain people but when you go deeply into her poems, you will realize how wonderful they are. From my view, Emily Dickinson is a Gothic poet. Besides Emily Dickinson, there is another Emily who are well known as a Gothic author. Emily Bronte. The one and only novel written by her, ‘Wuthering Heights’ is a Gothic novel.
So, how about John Keats famous odes, ‘Ode to a Nightingale’ and ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’? Are they considered as Gothic poems? Since I have been doing my research paper, there are new findings that have changed my old point of view towards John Keats odes. Previously, I just look and read at the surface of his odes and I have been mesmerized by his selection of flowery and beautiful words. However, I feel quite cold and chilly everytime I go through deeply into his odes now. I do not sure why I must feel like that. Once I have recited both of his odes with the deep tune of my voice in the middle of the night and I was stop for a couple of time when there were shadows came into my mind. Dark, muted, somber and solemn. I can feel the shadow of the death. I questioned myself, is this feeling that John Keats once has?
Since that, personally I assume these two odes as Gothic. They are different from Emily Dickinson’s works because Dickinson’s poems are gothic in their denotative meaning but the two John Keats’ odes are gothic in their connotative meaning. Maybe, most of us do not realize the gothic element that lies in John Keats’ odes because of the flowery and beautiful words choices. Besides the Gothic issue, I also have questioned my self why some of these writers have chosen to present their works in the way like that? First, the life background of the writers has given impact towards their works. Like John Keats and Emily Dickinson, both of them had gone through so many times the experience with death when one by one of their family died.
The writers like them are actually unique because they are not only conveyed with the reality but also something that over their imagination. I believe, the ideas were develop by their own experience. Once you think something too deep, it will be a part of you. I mentioned about this because I also have once thinking about how great I were if I can have a chance to experience death and the life in the other world. During that time, my life was also seemed as nothing. I stop thinking about everything sweet in my life including aliened to laugh, smile, isolated from friends (when I purposely stop from contact them), love?(Once it was stupid!), dreams(useless), quite for most of the time and when half of my wardrobe are changed to black. Then, I changed….When my world around also wanted to synchronize it self with me. When I waited for the bus, either I missed it, too late or full. When I went to ATM for withdraw the money, either I stuck in the long queue, out of service or the people just in front of me withdraw the money by using more than two cards. When there was a lucky draw, my name or number would not turn up but for task draw, I got.(Lucky ha!). The terrible thing is when I started complained for every single thing that I did. But the worst is when some people started called me ‘a witch’. Hah! It was too much.
Then, I asked forgiveness to God and I changed. I feel better. The only reason I was thinking about death and the life in the other world is just because I didn’t get what I wanted in my life. Perhaps, this will give me some clues on how I interpret John Keats’ odes. Actually, he didn’t get what he wanted to. Believe it, he never get what he wanted to.

WHAT DREAMS MAY COME

2005-10-02T01:13:00.000+08:00

Have you ever watched this movie, ‘What Dreams May Come’? I forgot when I watched it for the first time but some scenes from the movie are still fresh in my mind. I also cannot remember since when the VCD of the movie has been put into my VCD/DVD/VHS shelves and also do not know, why I bought that movie. I just saw it at the movie store and by looking at the name of the actors I decided to have it. In the first place, I thought it was just a love movie but later I found something interesting about the movie. Well, here is the synopsis of the movie:
'A love story set primarily in the afterlife, What Dreams May Come follows the complex fate of Chris (Robin Williams) and Annie (Annabella Sciorra), who from the moment they encounter each other seem destined for the fabled "happily ever after." They marry, settle into professions -he's a doctor, she's a painter- and a large, comfortable home, and raise two children they adore. Then, in quick succession, death claims this close-knit family through sudden accidents and, eventually, suicide.What Dreams May Come, adapted by Ron Bass from a novel by Richard Matheson (Somewhere in Time), follows Chris as he adjusts to his heavenly existence with the aid of two mysterious guides (Cuba Gooding Jr. and Rosalind Chao). But when he discovers that Annie's in hell, Chris gets a tracker (Max Von Sydow) and begins a perilous journey to retrieve her. In this film, the afterlife is conceived as the individual vision of each person, so Chris ends up in an idealized landscape of his wife's painting, while Annie resides in a nightmare version of their dream house. This concept gives Ward free reign to combine classical images of heaven and hell with his own inspired interpretations.'
I really admire about what the technology can do by changing the movie screen into a huge canvas. When I was watching the movie, I feel like a painter who is painting. However, that is not what I am going to point out here. The thing that make me thinking about this movie again and again is the life after death portrayed by the director in this movie. I really like the scene where Robin Williams walking on the thousand of heads in hell. The other interesting scene is when Robin Williams and Cuba Gooding Jr. pay a visit in heaven-The calm sea, the staircases and the people with umbrellas.
All these scenes have made me relate with how life after death from my religious point of view. In fact, they are totally different but the important thing here is the belief in the existing of life after death and what we do in mortal life, reflects on our lives in the next world. These view also shared by John Keats through out his two famous odes, “Ode to a Nightingale” and “Ode on a Grecian Urn”. I believe, every single of us will think about our life after death and that is why, a part of human nature is to be good and avoid to do bad things. Even when we did something wrong, we will immediately feel sorry about it and try to not repeat the same mistake. However, have you ever thought about how dull this life is if we never do any mistake? Sometimes, the mistake that we did, is the sweetest thing in our life. When? Once we learnt from it. So…It’s fine to do a mistake. ( Just kidding_)

THE BOOK SAVED MY LIFE

2005-10-01T12:46:00.000+08:00

I have read ‘A Routledge Literary Sourcebook on the Poems of John Keats’, the five hundred pages of John Keats autobiography which I have downloaded from http:// www.englishhistory.net/keats.html entitled ‘John Keats: His Life and Poetry, His Friends, Critics and After-Fame’ by Sidney Colvin (1917) and some other articles on John Keats’s odes. Based on these resources, I have done seventy percent of my research paper but I still not satisfied with what I have done. I still have no idea to relate ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ with the topic that I presented in my research paper.
Yesterday, I went to ‘Borders’ bookstore in Berjaya Times Square with my two dearest coursemates (sisters + friends), Zurina and Suzy. We were looking on some novels to read just for leisure. When we were there, I found a book which specifically written about John Keats’s odes. The book is entitled ‘The Odes of John Keats’ by Helen Vendler. I saw it a few months ago but I did not have much money during that time. I took a look on a few pages and I was so happy when I found what I was looking for. Everything that I need is there. Oh! God. Thank you. I feel relieved.
When I reached home, I started reading the book. The language used by the author is moderate, which mean I can understand what I read. More than that, most of what the author said are really help me to develop my research paper. Then, I made a few changes in my research paper since I read the book and it has made my argumentations and ideas stronger.
For me, this book is very interesting, useful and every John Keats’s admirer must have one for their collection. I have read about the introduction part which I found very useful and have made me more clear about John Keats’s odes. It helps me in constructing my introduction part of my research paper. I was fascinated by the line, ‘Under Stevens’ implicit tutelage, I began to see the odes as a single long and heroic imaginative effort, in which Keats examined, in a sustained and deliberate and steadily more ambitious way, his own acute questions about the conditions for creativity, the forms art can take, the hierarchy of the fine arts(including the art of poetry), the hierarchy of genres within poetry, the relation of art to the order of nature, and the relation of art to human life and death’.(6)
The last phrase has make me believe that I am in the right track and my research paper topic, ‘Connotation of Death in John Keats’s Odes’ is related to what have stated in the book. Besides that, the book also has proven to me that John Keats’s odes have negative and morbid connotative meaning and not only flowery and beautiful denotative meaning. However, when we discuss about John Keats’s odes we cannot divide these two virtues into two types or group separately but we must put it together as a mirror to each other, side by side. Fuh! The book saved my life. Thanks Helen Vendler.

ANOTHER THURSDAY MORNING

2005-09-27T23:36:00.000+08:00

Since ten weeks ago, every Thursday morning I have to meet my supervisor with my friends. So far, I have sent my first draft a couple weeks ago and today I have given my second draft to him. As a draft, it still incomplete and has a few weaknesses to improve by the date line comes. The draft that I sent this morning, is lack of argumentation on ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ and evidence to support my arguments on ‘Ode to a Nightingale’.
My supervisor asked me to make a few changes on implication for education section. In my draft, I have explained on how a teacher can use John Keats’s odes in a classroom by looking on Carter and Long models. However, my supervisor asked me to choose only one model rather than to have all the three together.
When I was boarding commuter this morning, my thought was flying to someone that I know when I was in secondary school. He is my super senior and now he is an attorney. I do not know why I suddenly remember about him but I have seen his name in internet a few days ago. He is having a prosecution for a group of teenagers who were involved in bully case which had caused death to the victim. How pathetic the teenagers now days? From my reading, the teenagers were under alcohol control and they did without conscious. Most of us are hard to believe that kind of things are possible to happen (including my sister but my mother agree so much). If ten years ago, students who are smoking had been labeled as ‘bad students’, now days smoking students are common students. They are more advanced and brave but in the wrong place.
Teen problematic such as bully, homicide, taking alcohol, millennium drugs addict such as ‘shabu’ and ecstasy, free sex, homosexuality and commit suicide have been increasing day by day. Why? One of the reasons is because they have no goal in their life. They do not know the importance of being a human. They do not know the reasons of everything that they do. That is why they do not appreciate their life. They think, this life is only a period of time for them to enjoy with by doing something that can give temporary satisfaction and permanent agony. If they have a goal and choice for their future life, they will appreciate this life more. Unfortunately, they do not have this conscious because their parents, teachers, friends and society have never taken a time to clarify all the confusions in the teenagers’ mind. They find out and solve their problems by them selves and most of them have chosen the wrong way.
This is the point that I am going to raise in my research paper. I have an idea on how John Keats’s life story and his odes can make a different to these teen problems. By looking on how John Keats spent his short life by did something amazing, at least will give the students some motivations to survive in this life. Hmm….. What kind of activities that I can implement in my class?

GOODBYE TO AUTUMN

2005-09-26T20:29:00.000+08:00

As I mentioned in my previous entry, I have been examined three John Keats’ famous odes including ‘Ode to a Nightingale’, ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ and ‘To Autumn’. Actually, I have learned about these odes during my poetry course last semester. Perhaps, they are quite familiar to me. A few weeks ago, I have asked my poetry lecturer about my confusion towards one of the odes. I told her ‘To Autumn’, its title itself has made me confused either it is an ode or another type of poem. According to my poetry lecturer it is an ode even the word ode is not stated in its title.
However, I need to consider about it again since Dr. Edwin asked me a few days ago; whether it is an ode or not. I flipped back all the notes that I have and finally I found the answer. It is an ode. For a couple of moments, I was so happy because I have to change nothing for my research paper. However, I finally decided to take it out from my research paper file. ‘Goodbye…’ I whisper softly and I don’t know why I feel quite sad. I put it behind because I feel difficult to examine deeply into three Keats’s odes in the same time. So far, I have comfortable and confidence with my arguments toward ‘Ode to a Nightingale’ but I have been stuck with ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’.
Previously, I thought I can relate my topic with ‘To Autumn’ which my interpretation about it is about the changes of seasons that also make the leaves turn to gold and fall down. For me, it is a symbol of life and death but I believe it is contain a bigger meaning than that. The autumn, what a wonderful season? It’s beautiful when the green leaves turned to gold. I hope someday somehow, I can be a part of it. I can see it lively, I can touch the leaves which fallen from the trees, I can feel the cold wind blowing my hair and the smell of the wood that make me serene. Oh! What a wonderful moments that will be... But, it is also a season with connotation of sadness. What the season will be then after autumn? A winter. Once I have used this symbol in one of my novella entitled ‘Ballerina’ (Published in Remaja, October-November ’95). In that novella, I portrayed about Zahim’s love towards Fatasha as the autumn. His feeling and love towards Fatasha turned into brown leaves and fall down into earth. Then, his heart be cold as cold as winter; waiting for the next coming spring that full of possibility. In the novella, I also portrayed Fatasha’s feeling towards Zahim’s love. Once she realized that Zahim is no more hers, she said goodbye to him by composing a song entitled ‘Goodbye to Autumn’.
I mentioned about this because I found Keats’s view upon autumn also contains these two virtues, happy and sad. It stand like a mirror to one and each other. Do I’m right? This is something new for me that I find in John Keats’s odes. Yeah! Most of his odes contain more than one virtue. I strongly believe, even Keats denotatively portrayed about his celebration and joyful towards the season by using beautiful and flowery words but connotatively he tells us about his depart from this world. ‘To Autumn’ is the last ode in its group and it was written when Keats was dying. The autumn portrayed by Keats in his ode is the last autumn that he was….Goodbye to autumn.

TEA IN THE GARDEN

2005-09-24T11:17:00.000+08:00

My coursemates and I are having busy with our e-mail recently. We need to reply on a topic posted by our lecturer. The topic is about why we chose e-journal rather than to write our journal in traditional way. Everything was fine until I received an e-mail which has sent by one of my coursemate. In the beginning, I feel fine with the e-mail but then I start wondering why he must write his e-mail like that. As I thought, our lecturer then asks us to give view towards this e-mail which he found interesting. In the first place, I wanted to give my view on it but after I read some comments given by other coursemates, I cancelled my plan. The reason given by the sender (if he really means it) has enough to make me not to give any comment. Why? Let me put it like this…Let the history speaks. Not us. Some history is better to put it silent until it speaks by itself.
The issue stated by the sender which has received many comments is about the purpose of certain blogers who use their blog as a way to show off. I have something to share about this issue. Well, let me put it like this. Imagine you are staying in the suburban neighborhood. You have a beautiful garden which you love so. There are other neighbors who are staying both side of your house and they also have their own garden. The theme of each garden is different from one and another. Opposite of your house, there is another neighbor who plants nothing.
Sometimes, you sit in your garden and have a tea. When you are alone, you sit and think a lot of things. In some other times, you have someone who pays a visit. You start sharing and chating together about certain issues including gossiping about your neighbor. Either you are talking about the good or bad things; you are free to do it. The people who pay the visit either will compliment your garden or commenting on it. But most of them, either sincerely or not will praise you.
In the same time, your neighbors who are staying in the both side of your house are also talking about you. The neighbor who are staying opposite of your house feel unsatisfied and have a lot of assumption in his/her mind. They think, other people are talking about his/her dull compound and when other people do something in their garden, he/she comes out with his/her own theory. Actually, nobody cares about his/her choice to have a compound like that.
Blogging is like having a tea in your garden. Either you talk to yourself or chating with someone else. Plants and do anything in your garden is up to your own choices and what purpose you do that is nobody can question it. If you want to have a challenge with someone or try to do the best, it is a positive reaction. But, do nothing with your own garden and keep on monitoring on what other people do in their garden is something that only God knows. Besides that, you still get nothing.

From the situation given, everybody has their own reason on do something and everyone are gossiping about others. I believe, it is a part of human nature. So…..Who are you seems alike? Are you the one who are having tea in the garden? Or the both sides neighbors? Or the neighbor who is staying opposite of the house? By the way, keep on writing your journal.

CONNOTATION OF DEATH IN JOHN KEATS' ODES

2005-09-10T12:50:00.000+08:00

There was a time when I think that I already have a topic for my research paper. However, I didn’t. That’s why I failed to submit my first draft of research paper to my supervisor. Since I have been told by him, that I must have a nice topic; I keep on read the books, the articles and asks some advices from other lecturers. As I mentioned in my previous entry, I was decided to focus on John Keats’ religious background which I have planned to make my topic on how John Keats’ religious background has given impact towards his odes. I read some information on romanticism which has relation with my topic. Unfortunately, I was lost…
A few days ago, I was watching an entertainment program ‘Melodi’ at TV 3 channel; when suddenly the idea of my final topic for my research paper appeared. In that program, a group of people named as ‘Entiti’ do a project of searching for ghost and spirits. Their curiosity to peep into the underground world has made me wonder, what are they looking for? After the program, I went to my room and started thinking about the life after death. I made some reflection on what I learned when I was in school.
For Muslims, there is another life after death. After we died, our body will be buried and our spirit will be up over the sky. Our body will be rotten and compose by the ground; while our spirit will rest in peace if we did good during our life time and will be tortured if you did bad. Our body and spirit will be reunited and awoken when the judgment day arrived. On that day, all the good and bad things we did during our life time will be judged and counted. If you did many good things compares to the bad thing, you will be sent up to heaven. If you did oppositely, you will be sent up to hell. Once you entered the heaven, you will never ever be move out. If you sent to hell, after you had been tortured, you will be finally in the heaven.
However, I found differently in John Keats’ odes. Even the odes are the celebration towards something such as to a nightingale and on a Grecian urn, but Keats real idea is oppositely with what he portrayed in his odes. I realized that Keats written his odes before his death and he portrayed about the beauty of this world. Everything that happens in the world will be different from what will be happen in the life after death. So that, I get an idea about John Keats’ perspective towards death is actually a connotation. Hmmmm….I have issue of death, focus on odes, John Keats’ perspective and connotation. Finally, I get the topic on my research paper. How about ,‘Connotation of Death in John Keats’ Odes’? I think this will be the final topic. How about the odes selections? I will going to analyze on ‘Ode to a Nightingale’, ‘Ode on a Grecian Urn’ and ‘To Autumn’.

POSITION PAPER:TIED WITH SCARLET RIBBON

2005-09-03T23:31:00.000+08:00

I have done successfully in my position paper presentation. Most of them were come out with issue of adultery, feminism and sexism. I’m the only person who talked about homosexuality. Thankful God because I delivery my speech quite well, even I’m the first person to go.
As I mentioned in my previous blog, one of the reasons why I wanted to deliver an issue like this because of its rare exposition. Actually, it is an issue that people now days should pay attention with. It doesn’t matter about your sex orientation or your profession; homosexuality is not a taboo to be discussed. Why? Recently, the number of man who involved in homosexual relationship has been increase. If you think, a man with a family is not a gay; you better think about it again. Homosexuality is not only referring on certain group of people such as transvestite and gay but it is more accurately referring to the term of ‘hidden gender’.
I have watched one of Oprah Winfrey’s Show episodes which tackle on this issue. I’m not surprise when three husbands who are invited by Oprah in that episode are gay. They have beautiful wife, happy children, good profession and stable economy background; but they feel incomplete which it is a sex desire towards same sex. I believe most of the people are shaking their head when they are watching Gov. James E. McGreevey, a governor of New Jersey confess that he is gay. He is handsome and has what it takes to be a man. However, he needs another man.
Why all these happen? Even in our country, the number of man who enjoy with homosexual life style is keep on increase. One of the reason is the exchange of gender role in society. Most of women now days are working women and most of them play a dominant role in their working place and at home. This dominant role has gives impact towards their children perception, their man workers and their bedroom secret with their husband. All these have made number of men choose other alternative in their sex life and one of it is by having sex with their own sex.
I believe, women cannot accept this fact but this is the truth. For women, you must be aware of the men who are gay and transvestite because they are seems like the vulture. They are flying high on the sky but their eyes are sharply monitoring the victim. The exchange of the gender role has given them opportunities to enjoy their scavengers lifestyle. So, what we should do?
Parenting is not an easy thing especially when they have teen son or daughter. During this period, they are more sensitive with their surrounding. If you do a small mistake as a mother or father, the child can turn it into a disaster. Maybe you feel that is the best way for you to raise your children and you want to make the best for your children; but it’s not necessary will turn out like what you hope. Sometimes, you not realized it. It seems like scarlet ribbon. You pull and tight it and turn into a beautiful craft but once it burst of accidentally touch, it will looks terrible with the scratches that you can’t erased anymore. So, be more sensitive.

DIARY, I'M NOT YOUR FAN

2005-08-27T12:53:00.000+08:00

Until today, I don’t know why once I must received diaries as annual gift. The first diary that I received was from my sister when I was in form one. It was a ‘Muslim’s Diary’ which have ‘doa’(pray) inside it. Then, every year I received diaries as my new years’ gift. As I remember, I was an active diary writer when I was in form 2 and 3. That time, I was staying in the hostel. Every night before I went to sleep, I would jot down something. I tried to hide from my friends, especially my seniors. However, it was an embarrassed moments when one of my senior read my diary. Actually, I wrote something about him and he asked me about that. I lied to him by telling him that I used that diary for writing down my ideas on my short story. Luckily he believed me and luckier I used letter to refer people’s name. He was referred as ‘ X’. Then, my diary was read by one of my sister and she has made a joke about it. Since that, I hate writing diary. However, the diary that I love most is the one that I received in 1993 but I used it in 1998. The diary is full of nothing rather than my poems and it still with me. I think, it’s fine to write down poems in the diary. Not something like my sister did. She uses diary to write down her expenditure. Funny!
When I was told to find out a diary for this course, I frankly agree that I’m not so good in that. According to my plan, I wanted to download Virginia Woolf’s diary because her life story is tragically attracted me. However, it was more tragic for me when all the website that I have visited ask for my credit cards. Then, I searched for other diaries including politicians, celebrities, writers and other individual’s diaries but finally I decided to download a ballerina diary named Stephanie and ‘The Diary of a Midvale Orphan’ from http://terencestewart.tripod.com/id8.html. In some circumstances, I found ‘The Diary of a Midvale Orphan’ as an interesting diary because it’s sound comical but it’s actually full of ironic. I’m not sure either this girl named Betsy Ann Fulbright is exist or not but the way she looks on people around her is quite impressive. She comes out with some solution in her last pages of her diary. Sometimes, it funs when we read something like this.
Well, I hate writing diary but I love to read other people diaries. Most of the people believe by writing diary, we can be systematic and manageable. My ex schoolmate (Mr.A), once so angry with me when I told him that I hate to have a plan on do something. For me, he quite strange when everything must be written down in his planner and when something happen and need to be changed, he is the one who has wrinkles on his forehead. Actually, I have my own view towards this issue. I hate planning something because of some reasons. First, I don’t like expectation because expectation cause disappointment (Do I sound like Dickens?). Second, it has been a part of my life or should I called it ‘nature’ because as a writer, the idea always comes like wind. It just come like that. You not plan it. Last but not least, I BELIEVE THERE ARE THREE IMPORTANT THINGS IN THIS LIFE THAT WE NEVER PLAN ON THEM. FIRST IS NATAL, SECOND IS LOVE AND THIRD IS DEATH. All come naturally and did we plan on all these? We don’t have a plan to born in this world, to fall in love with the person that you’re love now and when you want to die. So, this life has no plan.

SEEKING FOR CONSULTATION

2005-08-20T22:25:00.000+08:00

I have met my supervisor, Dr. Arshad and he agree with what I’m doing right now. He asked me to find the sources on ode and he asked me to put all these idea in a nice topic. He also wanted to meet us again before our mid semester break and he wanted to see some progression on our research, at least our first draft. Wow! Have a nice topic? This is the most challenging task to do compare on developing the ideas. I have been thinking about the topic for more than three days and I can’t find any. Then, I decide to stop for a while and focusing on my mid semester exam.
I went to the library a few days ago and I found only a book of John Keats that can help me in doing my research paper. Most of John Keats’ books that available in our library is the collection of his works. The book is really good because it provided the explanation on those odes. It makes me understand deeply about Keats work. Then, I gone through the internet and collected some information about ode. However, I become confused especially about one of John Keats ode. In the book, ‘Ode to Autumn’ has the word ‘ode’ in the beginning of it’s title but some sources it hasn’t.
Finally, I went to meet Puan Juridah for consult. She explained to me that ‘Ode to Autumn’ is one of Keats ode. She also kindly advised me to read about the background of society during Keats’ lifetime. She asked me to have more focusing on their beliefs and religions issues. Then, I mentioned to her that I also have problem in selecting a good topic. Then, she suggested me to have a look on the relationship between Keats’ ode and his religious background. That time, I got an idea in my mind. Yes, I will consider about her suggestion.
Thank you so much Puan Juridah for helping me. I met her because she taught me about poetry last semester and I have class with her this semester for the teaching the language of novel course. She really helps me in guidance me to come out with a great idea. I believe, instead of meeting our supervisor and find out the sources from books and internet, we also can ask some advices from other lecturer. By having a discussion and sharing the ideas with lecturer, it will make our research more manageable and controllable. It avoid us from doing our research out of the frame.

ODE TO RESEARCH PAPER

2005-08-13T12:19:00.000+08:00

Most of my classmates have already met their supervisors and in the same time, they already have something to do for their research paper. How about me? Next week, my supervisor wants to look on what I’m going to do for my research paper. Actually, I already decided to make my research paper on a poet. Personally, I admire the works of Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson and John Keats. First, I choose Emily Dickinson and her works for my research paper but one or two of my friends are doing on that. Then, I switched on to Robert Frost’s works but as a great poet, quite numbers of my friend are doing that. The last choice in my list is John Keats. Anyone do on his works? No?
Finally, I decided to make my research paper on him. I want to make a research on his odes. I went through the internet and I’m feel very lucky when I found the fully biography of him. It is a biography written by his close friend, Sidney Colvin entitled ‘His Life and Poetry, His Friends, Critics and After Fame’ ( http://www.englishhistory.net/keats.html.). It is 543 pages biography. Wow! It is a lot to be read. I read for a few pages and it makes me wanted to read it more. Then I turned to Chapter XVI and after a few paragraphs, I stopped my reading. My eyes were smoky. It’s a touching biography. Oh! Poor Keats….
The first time I saw John Keats name is when I did my poetry class with Puan Juridah Md. Rashid last semester. Since the first time I read his ode entitled ‘Ode to Grecian Urn’, I have fascinated and mesmerized by the way Keats portrayed his idea by using nature. I wondering, what a great poet he was. Then, I learnt about his other works such as ‘Ode to a Nightingale’, ‘To Autumn’ and ‘Bright Star’. It’s not an easy to write such a poem like what Keats had done. If Robert Frost’s poems have mesmerized the readers by his choices of words, used natures and have universal interpretation, Keats has all these Frost’s merits and he presented his works in bigger form. His works can be considered as huge. His works are huge in form, words choices, meaning and themes. Looking on Keats’ works, I realized he had portrayed everything that the world contained. Maybe, by this reason he had gone too soon. I wondering, if he still alive, what he going to write? Or he written all these because he knew that he had no much time? As I know, he was written his odes when he was dying. It seems like, he diminished his pain and agony of dying by writing down odes (songs).
So, how about if I raise this point to my supervisor? I’m going to do the research on John Keats and his odes by looking at how he used natures in his odes as to diminish his painful. Hmmm...How great John Keats was. Even in the moments like that, he still can write odes. And now, I'm 'sufering' doing my research paper and I must create an ode to diminish it. So, I called it as 'Ode to Research Paper'.

ONE WAY TO BE REMEMBERED.

2005-08-06T00:05:00.000+08:00

I have a friend who enjoys reading biography or autobiography of a celebrity rather than novels. Once I went to his house, he let me take a look on his collection. He has the biography of famous writers such as Robert Frost, a great politician such as Tun Mahathir Mohammad, an incredible leader such as Mahatma Gandhi and celebrities such as Madonna. He also has the latest autobiography of Bill Clinton.
I asked him, why he prefers reading about all these. He just said that he likes to read something real. No wonder, why he doesn’t like to read novels and fiction which need him to use his imagination. His favourite subject when he was in school is none other than history. In contrast, I hate history.
Besides that, he remains me about the importance of learning history. By reading some people’s biography or autobiography, we actually read about their history. In the same time, we also read about the situation, activity and anything happen when and where the person was. According to him, many people now days do the same mistakes because they don’t learn from the past (history). He also mentioned to me about how the great literary works such as novels usually portray about history, which means the writer did some research before he or she write his novels. For example, most of the National Laureate produced great novels based on the theme of history. Then, he mentioned about new generation writer, Faisal Tehrani who won many literature prizes and most of his works are based on history.
When I told him that people who written their autobiography are actually wanted other people to remember them, he absolutely agree with that. For him, it is a wonderful thing if another people wanted to share their experience and life story with others. He doesn’t think that people who written the autobiography as a selfish.
For me, I prefer reading a biography of someone rather than an autobiography because a biography is written by somebody else towards the people he or she admiring with. It is an appreciation. However, my friend said I’m wrong. For him, an autobiography is more sincere because it’s written without any other reason except the writer wants him to be remembered. Besides that, it is more focusing on the writer’s real thoughts and feelings. Compares to a biography, maybe the writer is trying to take advantages of that people.
By the end of the discussion, he asked me a funny question. He said, if I want to be remembered, what I would like to do? Do I like to ask someone write my biography or I will write it by myself. My answer is simple. I don’t want both. Then, he asked me why ? I replied as this, ‘ There are many other ways for me to be remembered. One of it is by my works.” He just smile.

A FATHER'S TALE

2005-07-30T21:54:00.000+08:00

One of the Ovid’s famous stories is Daedalus and Icarus. The best thing about this story is the relationship between a father and his son. As a father, Daedalus never put his son behind. When he planned to go back to his home place, he wanted to bring Icarus along.They flew on the sky together in Daedalus’ invention. However, Icarus disobeyed his father’s warn, which ended with a tragedy.
In the real world, the tragedy in Daedalus and Icarus is also happen. BUT, the relationship as portrayed in Daedalus and Icarus is become extinct today. Presently, many children are put behind by their father. Most of them are victims of broken family. I found many of them are trying to be forgotten by their father. I really respect to any father who still taking care about his children even after his divorce. Besides that, there is also a phenomena where the father don’t bother about his children even he is not divorce. All these happen because of the limitation of time. The fathers are busy with their works and have no time to spend with their children.
How about the children who try to forget about their father? Usually, the children have different thoughts and views compare to their father. They try to build a gap between them. Talking about this, I remember about a movie that I have watched. It is a Tim Burton movie entitled ‘Big Fish’. In this movie, Edward Bloom the father has always been a man of big appetites enormous passions and tall tales. It is very difficult to make a different between the truth and the fantasies which include in his stories. His son, William feels unsatisfied when his father portrayed him as unimportant character in his father’s story. William also bore with his father who keeps on telling the stories again and again. More than that, he claimed his father as a liar. By all these reasons, William relationship with Edward Bloom becomes a part.
However, William relationship with his father turned to close again when his father lying sick on the bed. During these moments, his father stills telling him and his wife some stories. A few days before his father’s death, William found some evidence which show his father’s stories are real. Then, the best part of this movie is when Edward let William finishes his story. In the ending of his father’s story, William portrayed himself as a hero. After Edward death, William found how much his father loved him. He just realized how his father gave him a respect to finish his story. And during the funeral, all the extraordinary characters portrayed by his father before come to pay their final respect. This means, his father never lied to him.
This movie is just based on how the father loves telling stories. The amazing thing is, the stories have made their relationship to be a part and close again. The stories have become a bridge to their relationship. That is what we call, the power of a story. Story is just an ordinary thing which sometimes can bring a miracle and extraordinary in someone life. Like me, I also have my own stories and that stories always in my heart. Once I fall down, the stories will raise me up.

OVID? I NEVER HEARD BEFORE.

2005-07-23T20:04:00.000+08:00

Ovid's influence on Western art and literature cannot be exaggerated. The Metamorphoses is our best classical source of 250 myths. "The poem is the most comprehensive, creative mythological work that has come down to us from antiquity" (Galinsky). Based on its influence, "European literature and art would be poorer for the loss of the Metamorphoses than for the loss of Homer" (Hadas). Ovid was a major inspiration for Dante, Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton . If Virgil is Rome's greatest poet, Ovid is the most popular (even in his own time; Ovidian graffiti has been found on the walls of Pompeii).
Publius Ovidius Naso (43 BC - 18 AD). Ovid seems to have believed in art for pleasure's sake, having no ethical agenda for his writings, unlike his predecessor Virgil, who wrote for the betterment of Romans. Ovid's other works include: Medea (a tragedy, no longer extant), Heroides (letters to legendary heroes from their wives; read them here), The Art of Love (advice on how to seduce a woman; scandalous in Augustus' time, one possible reason for Ovid's banishment in 8 AD), the Fasti (a poetic calendar of religious festivals). Ovid offered something of an apology for his immoral reputation (Tristia 2:354): "My life is respectable, my Muse is full of jesting. A book is not evidence of one's soul."
Those are the information that I get when I went through the internet searching for Ovid Metamorphoses. Wow! Interesting. I never heard about Ovid Metamorphoses before, until Dr. Edwin introduced me on the famous story of Daedalus and Icarus. Once I read the extract taken from the famous story, I realize the importance of it.
Everybody loves listening to a story and the most famous person in this world is a story teller. Children love listening to story, without questioning any. Either it is logic or not, they keep on listening to it with mouth open. By taking this opportunity, the story teller slips some moral values in the story. This is the best way for the children to learn something. Like what Ovid did, most of his Metamorphoses included moral values.
When I was a child, my grandmother and my mother love telling stories. I just lend my ears to them and never questioning them. Most of the stories are not logic but I didn’t bother about it. For me, all the stories are interesting. Until now, I never ask about the truth of the stories and I never ask the resource of the stories. But the similarity that I find in all the stories is the moral value presented in them.
In our country, our people also have our own folktales, Myths and Legends. During the old days, the stories are telling orally either from a person to another or from a person to a group of people. From the rural area of village to the majestic palace, everybody loves listening to the stories. The traditional ways of telling the story are through the character of ‘Wayang Kulit’ and ‘Mak Yong’. Besides that, the stories also presented in the form of songs and traditional Malay’s poetry such as ‘pantun’, ‘syair’, ‘seloka’ and ‘gurindam’. The term for the traditional Malay’s story teller is ‘penglipurlara’. ‘Penglipurlara’ always has interesting story and has a magic to make other people love listening to his story. He also has a capability playing one or two traditional musical instruments such as ‘serunai’, ‘rebab’ or ‘gendang’.
The poor thing about this ‘dongeng’ stories is the failure for us to record them in the written form. Only some of them are written such as the famous ‘ Dongeng Tok Selampit’. However, Dewan Bahasa and Pustaka has keep on collecting the stories and make them as compilation. I still remember, when I was in primary school ( 80’s) I read all these folktales, Myths and Legends from different states in Malaysia. Most of the stories are unheard before. I believe, Dewan Bahasa and Pustaka still has that collection.

THESIS STATEMENT

2005-07-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

For my first assignment, I must prepare a thesis statement for my position paper. I already choose a text. It is a short story, Territory by David Leavitt. The reasons why I choose this text are :
i.)it portrays a controversy issues such as homosexuality and parenthood;
ii.) it is a text which I familiar with;
iii.)I believe I can develop the issues very well;
iv.)and finally, I have did an examine on it once; which means I have some sources on it.
Write down a good thesis statement is not an easy thing. Previously, I’m not sure what it takes to write a good thesis statement. However, I’m bit clearer about it now. I plan to write about homosexuality in Neil roots from the dominant role of his mother. I belief, issue of homosexuality and gay will bring some controversy because it has different dimensions on people’s view.
In country like Malaysia, homosexuality is not such an issue that gay to discuss with. Homosexual is illegal in Malaysia. However, it becomes a problem in our society presently. Believe it or not, the number of Malaysian who choose homosexual lifestyle are increasing every year. Why ?
One of the reason is because the role of women now days. Millenium women are more independence and capable to live without a man. Besides that, they try to stand equally next to a man. By this reason, the role of gender is change. Women are more adventurous, challenging and independence. By having this personality, they feel odds on the traditional role of a woman. In contrary, men become more sensitive, alert to their appearance and looks. That’s why we have a new term such as ‘ metrosexual’ which refers to a group of men who are more focusing on their appearance, fashion and beauty.
So, by looking on those both issues, I believe that my idea is something that interesting to deal with. First, I’m going to talk about homosexuality. Second, about the role of parents which can effect their children personality. Hmm….What is my thesis statement ? How about if I write like this, ‘ Homosexuality in Neil roots from the dominant role of his mother’. I think, it’s fine.

FIRST STEP

2005-07-16T12:15:00.000+08:00

Since the first time I heard about this course, EDU3234 Readings and Project Work For Teaching Literature In ESL Contexts, I started thinking about what I’m going to do next ? I started consider about the meaning of ‘readings’ and ‘project’ themselves. The first picture appeared in my mind was reading, reading and reading more and then do a project. The next question is, what kind of project it would be? All these questions were haunting me since a few months ago.
However, it becomes clearly now. My expectation about this course is 99 percent correct. I have to read a lot and do some projects. I’m going to do a position paper and a presentation, a research paper and this blog. All are interesting. This is a ‘pay back’ time for me to prove that I can produce a good research paper. I pray to God that I can get a good grade this time. More than that, I will grab this opportunity to learn on how to write a good research paper.
This moment, I already have a few ideas on my mind. For my position paper I will choose a text which has something to argue with. Perhaps, something controversy. However, I’m quite worry about the research paper. The idea is there but my only problem is language. I always wondering how some people can write and play with the language very well. As before, I keep on enriching my vocabulary and watch out for my grammar. Besides that I often use the wrong word on the wrong context. Hmmm…..I try to overcome this matter.
Now, for my first assignment I should think about a thesis statement for my position paper. Before that, I must choose a text. What should I choose? A novel ? A drama ? A short story ? A poem ? Oh! God. How wonderful if I can choose J.K.Rowling’s work. Na-ah! Don’t dream. Think, think and think……